Okay,
Ever wondered how different your life would be if you had made different choices and done things differently?
YES.
Basically, I started watching this new series on netflix because i finished orange is the new black.. and its called dance academy and its about these teens who have gone to the National Academy of dance in Sydney. In reality, its Royal Academy of Dance but obv for certain reasons it can’t be called that in the programme. I watch it because I love dancing, and I love the thought of that could have been me.. If I tried harder, if I stretched my legs more, if I worked harder, if I wanted it more..
IF I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE ON UNIVERSITY.
I honestly say I have no regrets but something made me think whilst watching this programme, something nagging me for a while before I started watching it.. did I try hard enough? Did I stick at it long enough? But anyway, it makes me feel like if I made some other choices maybe I would be somebody different, dancing, somewhere. I know that Leeds Met wasn’t right but what if Middlesex or York was? I could be doing what I’ve always loved.
Dancing has always been everything to me, no matter if I’m good at it or not because its a way of release and it sort of guided me in times that I struggled in secondary school. If I hadn’t have done it, I honestly would 100% not be the person I am today.
I love my course at Sheff Hallam, that is also me but it doesn’t give me the fulfilment and creativity dancing did. And I wish it could. I miss performing, I miss working hard.. I think its the only thing I have ever worked hard at because I HAD the drive and determination to do it and then when Leeds didn’t work out, it killed me over and over and over. Genuinely. I miss everything about dancing.
I don’t dance anymore and I wish I did; I have become fat and lazy. But the truth is I am genuinely scared to dance now. Its like I just need someone to hold my hand and take the plunge with me because I haven’t done it in so long and I miss it. I could have done my teaching exams, anything but I was too scared, i think. Anyway, I will do it at some point again, maybe. I just don’t know when. I sort of can’t let it slip and I sort of don’t have time. And the major thing is that I don’t have the money. EVERYTHING IS ABOUT MONEY. I wish someone would just say here you go abs, go dance, the money doesn’t matter because its something you love but money is everything too.
The point of this is to me: DANCE = EVERYTHING.
Over and out,
Abs x
abs. 