So,
Today I realised that all my life I have been literally handed everything on a plate until it boils down to my final assignment that I haven’t started and I just want it to get done but without trying. Sort of realised I’m not good enough for that. But now, its made thankful, appreciative and grateful for everyone in my life that has given me opportunities and held my hand along the way. I now realise in my aim to dance I’ve got nobody holding my hand and just people there for me although I feel like I haven’t because nobody understands it. They really don’t. The amount of dance experience I have is unreal, and I threw it away because it was too easy for me. BUT at least I have realised this?
CAN SOMEONE HOLD MY HAND PLEASE?!
When I had a back injury, I was out of dancing for a long time and I cried and I cried every day until I could do it again and I think ever since that moment I have been scared, using my back as an excuse. I’ve finally realised how lucky I am to be fit and healthy, because injury is scary and can break some people. Not me. I had opportunities after hurting my back and I threw them away. But now, I have to seek them again. I am determined. Although, motivation from others would be good too.
The only thing I have ever been good enough for is dancing, and I did have to try but trying was easy. Now that I don’t have that luxury its going to take some hard graft but I’ll do it because dreams are always better than reality and maybe this time I might actually realise what I have.
My plan is to get my fitness back to a decent level, go back to dancing whilst doing my degree, get my associate so I can teach and go from there. Apparently its never too late. This time, I am doing it my way.
I know so cheesy but a quote from dance academy has made me realise who I am: is it in only limbo that you finally know yourself and what you’re capable of?
Over and Out,
Abs xo
abs. 